Home > Uncategorized > You twit

You twit

The scene: The Spectrum Movie Theatre, Sunday night showing of “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”

The players: My wife, the obnoxious lady, the obnoxious lady’s brute of a husband, and myself

The background: For those of you not from the area, The Spectrum Movie Theatre is the swanky, artsy place in town. It’s where you go for real popcorn, arthouse flicks and (usually) well-behaved crowds. It is a beacon of light, an oasis, in a sea of otherwise horribly crowded chain theatres.

When going to the movies the choice is often—almost always—The Spectrum, or waiting for Red Box. Perhaps that is why the tale you are about to hear is so surprising.

The tale: My wife went into the theatre first and grabbed two seats on the aisle about half-way down. There was a couple in front of us (who were kind enough to sit in seats 3 and 4 so as to not obstruct our view) and a couple behind us (also in seats 3 and 4). There was a smattering of other folks seated throughout the theatre. I got in after my wife as I made a pit stop at the concession stand for some delightful popcorn and a soda to wash it down.

From the moment I sat down I knew we were trouble.

The woman behind us would not stop talking. Now, in her defense, this was during the previews so I held out hope she’d zip it once the movie began; silly me. The talking only got worse once the titles began to roll. I let it go for a bit, then I gave “the look”. You know what I mean right? That casual over-the-shoulder stare coupled with the half-smile and puppy dog eyes. The look that means: Could you please be quiet?

She stopped, phew (I thought) bullet dodged. Nope. She picked right back up again. I let it go for a bit longer and then I brought out the big gun. Clearly “the look” wasn’t going to work in this situation. No, no, no I need something more. I needed, “the stare”. The intense full-body turn paired with eyes of fire that can only mean one thing: SHUT UP!!!!!

Clearly my point was made because almost immediately she did just that, shut up. But then the hulking man looked at me and said,  “What do you want?”

“Are you going to talk during the entire movie?”, I asked.

And then it happened. It was so unexpected, I never saw it coming. He looked at me, right in the eyes, and said: “Turn around you twit!”

“Turn around you twit?,” I thought to myself.

Who uses such language? I was enraged, infuriated. My heart was racing, my body tensed up, I wasn’t going to stand for this. All I wanted to do was yell at the man; or at least throw my soda in his face.

“Something must be done”, I thought.

And then it hit me. This man, this muscle-bound DB wasn’t worth it. He and his wife were in the wrong and they knew it. So I turned around, calmed myself down and watched the rest of the film, in silence.

It was glorious.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Spectrum Neighbor
    February 2, 2012 at 3:43 am

    Why didn’t you get up and move rather than say something? You must not be from Albany, because most people would have said to him, “Shut the F up you BI.”

  2. February 2, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Ha. Love it. We didn’t want to disturb the other guests.

  3. Courtney
    February 2, 2012 at 8:33 am

    My goodness my love, you have some strength. Since I have tourettes I would have lite those kidz up with a smattering a mean, rude and delightful words. Or said nothing, got up and “accidentally” spilled my drink or popcorn on them. Well done Zack!

  4. sarah
    February 2, 2012 at 9:45 am

    this post made me mad! i’m proud of you for making your point and not letting it go further! i don’t think i’ve heard the word “twit” used since the last time i read a roald dahl book.

  5. Jess M
    February 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I am proud of you ! loved this post.

  6. Rob O'D
    February 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    good thing you left it at that. they call you worse than twit in prison.

  7. -S
    February 8, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    OK, no, sorry but you should have escalated that thing, you were being bullied here. At least get out and talk to the Spectrum people. If you don’t keep these morons in check, they will ruin it for other moviegoers. Which actually does happen more often than you think at Spectrum8.

    • February 8, 2012 at 1:23 pm

      I see where you’re coming from -S. And believe me, I was close to getting up. But they stopped. They knew, despite the rude comment, that they were in the wrong and they buttoned up for the rest of the film.

      Had they said another word I would have been up and out of my seat in a flash.

  8. Chris
    February 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Reminds me of when I saw “The Passion of the Christ” and the folks behind me decided to read the subtitles out loud to each other. I had to get up and move halfway across the theater.

  9. cmm2581
    February 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I had a similar experience while watching this movie at Crossgates! I let it go for a while, but I had enough. I turned to the kid (a teenager who was there with his mother) and I actually shushed him! It just came out and I was horrified. The kid apologized, but then kept on talking for the rest of the movie. Oy.

  10. pjt
    April 3, 2012 at 11:13 am

    A bunch of years ago I was at the Spectrum in a theater with about six people in it. Two women came in and sat down in front of me and started talking and talking, loudly. This went on through the slide show and into the previews. One woman had a very loud voice and seemed to need to comment on everything, who the actor was, what films they had been in, if she liked the actor or not, etc, etc. After about two previews I decided to move back about six rows where I could still hear her crystal clear. The last preview came on and neither she, nor the other woman, could recognize the actress. So the loud one started describing a previous film she had been in. “You know, her husband was captured and held in the jungle.” Other woman: “No, no, I don’t remember, who is she?”. Loud One: “In the movie she had to get ransom money and, oh who is she?”. This went on, back and forth, describing other scenes in the movie. So I yelled out in a really loud voice “Meg Ryan”. They were quiet after that. After about 30 seconds of silence the guy sitting across the aisle from me motioned to me. I leaned over and he whispered to me “I didn’t think they were ever going to shut up”.

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